CAN YOU FEEL MY PAIN

CAN ANYONE FEEL MY PAIN?

Okay I am venting again and this time I want help cause this current situation ain’t working for me. I divorced my husband over seven years ago. It was a very nasty and bitter divorce and I thought I would never get the SOB out of my house. The process took so long, I thank God on a daily basis for giving me the strength -- to not kill him while he slept. Yes it was that bad.

He did everything to make my life miserable, i.e., he lived and breathed. I would fantasize about the different ways to kill him, each way was more painful than the previous fantasy. I know I sound like a heartless bitch but if you were forced to live in a house that you paid for with a man you despised, you would understand my pain.

I was forced to allow him to stay in my house (rent free) for over a year while waiting for the divorce to come through. He slept on my brand new sofa, while I took the bedroom. If I said no Christmas tree, he would go buy one, plug up a gabillion lights and leave it on all day, crank up the heat to about 100 degrees and leave the water running since all the bills were in my name. It got so bad, I had to take long distance off my phone cause he was calling overseas and crap. Oh, I almost forgot about having to cancel cable because of the pay-per-view charges.

Get the picture, I hate this man. Ok, in the beginning he knew enough not to try to hang out at my house or my parents home (cause they divorced him too). I allowed him to see the children but I insisted that he take them to his house for his visits and I would blow a gasket when the kids would slip up and say that he had been in the house while I was a work.

AND THEN… he had a major heart attack. Since he had no family here in ATL, I had to put aside my bitterness and be there for him and the children. When he was released from the hospital, he stayed with my parents while he recovered. They waited on him hand and foot, took him back and forth to the doctors, paid for all those expensive medicines, and treated him like a son instead of a sperm donor.

Do you know that Rat Bastard never said thank you to any of us! Never once did he offer to pay my parents back or anything. In fact, three months went by before they ever heard from him and that was because he wanted something. Nine times out of ten if he had offered my parents any money they would have refused but hell he didn’t even fake the funk!

Okay enough of that. Can someone please tell me why it is now acceptable for him to show up at every FREAKING HOLIDAY! Why must I be punished in this manner? I try not to make a fuss cause of my grown children but damn – enough is enough!

I understood it when he was sick but the government feels that he is well enough to fight in Iraq so I feel he’s well enough to cook HIS OWN DAMN DINNER or go free load somewhere else!

Is that too much to ask? Is there a support group for this? Pissed off in ATL.

I HAD TO SHARE THIS

I had to share this story. I work for my local government as a senior buyer of parts for our fleet of vehicles. This guy who has worked in the parts department for over five years had a serious brain fart! This valve comes in and he signed for it. Instead of checking it in properly he leaves it on the counter despite the sticker on the box that says “please inspect before accepting”. The next day, his supervisor sees the package and went around asking where it came from. He finds out who the package belongs to and gives it to him but wants to teach the parts guy a lesson. So….he goes outside and finds a brick and places it in the box and tapes it back up.

When the parts guy showed up, his supervisor asked him about it. He hedged and hogged about it and finally found the part. He shakes the part out of the box and somehow it got broken. So two bricks end up on the counter. He kept looking at the parts (a brick) and the packing slip and finally asked a co-worker if she had ever seen a value like that!

Overwhelmed he took it to his supervisor and said “I don’t know what happened but it’s broke!”

See people like that should not be allowed to reproduce.

Cussing Like A Sailor

I need now reason to cuss! I enjoy it! It's liberating to me to say a good Damnit! But I try to keep it under control in my professional life. But get me alone and I am a cussing fool!

Do cussing do it for you?

Driving While Blind

Last week, I had to take out my contacts without a backup plan. I thought I would be able to pop out my old extended wear contacts and put in some new ones but my eyes were irritated.

Not wanting to cause further damage to my eyes, I decided to drive to work without them. My vision is so poor, that even with glasses, I can’t see who is in the car next to me. However, I was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures right?

I am a creature of habit. I go the same route everyday so I didn’t have to worry about reading street signs right? What was my dumb azz thinking? I did all right on the side streets but when I got on the expressway Oh My God! I had to chase the bumper in front of me but God forbid if they ran into something in the distance and put on brakes cause I was going to knock them the hell into whatever it was and more than likely collide with it as well!

I made it to work and immediately started crying when I realized I was no longer moving against my will! I thought I had faced my biggest challenge driving while blind in the dark but I was wrong.

Coming home proved to be just as bad! Although I kept to the surface streets, the skies opened up and it rained on me all the way home! So I made a decision to stay home until I got new glasses.

This is my first serious post since I started my blog. While I love to laugh and joke, my eyesight is not a funny subject to me. What I hate is being told that my eyesight is bad because I am over 40! That’s no excuse, it’s a co-op but I can’t seem to get them to fix it.

I LOOK LIKE A CHI-A-PET

I LOOK LIKE A CHI-A-PET WEARING A HAT!

I’ve been holding off getting my hair permed because I had in contacts and the hairdryer dries them out. I spent the better part of two weeks trying to get the lens out and finally asked the assistance of a co-worker when my eyes got infected.

Anyway, I had to stay home for two days from work because I could not see to drive so needless to say; I wore my hair in a ponytail until I could get to the beauty shop. I went to a concert on Friday in Charlotte South Carolina feeling pretty bad cause those folks took dressing for a concert to a whole other level. (Prom gowns!)

Anywho, I got this bright idea to get a sew in weave despite the fact that I have shoulder length hair. So I was on a mission yesterday to find an African Braiding place that would do me on Sunday. Much to my surprise, they offered to take me the same day. I rushed my happy ass over there and $150 later, I look like a chi-a-pet! I got this big old seam running across the front of my head and a whole bunch of hair that just isn’t acting right!

I told the lady I was not happy and she told me to stick a bobby pin in it. A pack of bobby pins later, I am pissed cause I still look a hot mess! I was going to get a head shot down for my next book but now, I think not! I called them back prepared to go over there and place a bomb in the shop but they were very nice and said they will fix it tomorrow! I JUST GOT TO GET THROUGH WORK TOMORROW!

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME! I look like I have either a bowl on my head or earmuffs! I can’t decide which!

CONCERT GOER'S

So my rant is this, why is it that some concert goer’s feel it absolutely necessary to stand up and dance for the entire concert? I mean I like to have fun too but come on, be considerate of everyone else. Shit your ass down! I can understand if the band says, “I want everyone on their feet,” then you can stand, but the rest of the time, have some consideration for other folks sitting behind you!

On this night, there was this short skinny man, dressed in black pants and shirt and a rainbow colored blazer, sporting of all things, a JERRI-CURL and dark sunglasses (indoors). Oh, did I mention he wore a JERRI-CURL? Anyway, he was setting in front of my husband. He had what I called a tambourine on a stick that I actually thought was cute for a hot second.

When the concert started that skinny activator-slinging midget jumped up, started dancing and shaking his tambourine. He amused me for about ½ a second and then I contemplated killing him. He danced his way right in front of me and I swear to God, it took every ounce of my being to keep from reaching out and touching him!

The midget held the tambourine in his right hand and his sunglasses in his left for five fucking hours. I envisioned snatching it out of his hand and shoving it so far up his azz that surgery wouldn’t be able to remove it. I was so hot cause he kept turning around towards me and oh lawd, if looks could kill he would has dissolved in activation liquid. He ruined the entire night for me cause all I could think of was the many different ways I could hurt his narrow azz. Then he kept pulling out his cell phone as if someone would be calling that troll!

Whew, so what is it with these types of people who stand at concerts and dance and sing? I could see if they were worthy to the occasion but come on. To me, it’s rude to do that without a care whether or not someone can see behind you. I mean why buy a seat if you don’t use it? I wanted to shake his narrow ass and body slam him into the chair!

HAS GOD DECIDED TO WASH US AWAY

It's been raining for over a week. Normally I attribute this type of rain to the launch of a space shuttle but it was postponed because of the weather. So my question is, is God intending to launch Noah's Ark again?

I was talking to my son tonight and he mentioned it (ergo sparking this blog) that he was getting on that boat! Hell I want to be on the boat too!

I can also remember earlier in the week when this idiot that I work with laughed at the man who died cause a tree fell on his house during a storm.

God if you are washing out the world, can you at least tell me where the boat will be docked so I can start heading that way!

I hate Checks!

Against my cardinal rule, I accepted a check for the purchase of my book (13.00). I didn't know this man, he was a local promoter but I was like, okay I know where to find him. So I deposited his damn check and it bounced! I reviewed the check and it did not have a phone number on it but I had my good friend research his butt and she came up with a number. So I called him and he was like...I'm so sorry..there is pleanty of money in the account now...so I redeposited it. WHY DID THE DAMN CHECK BOUNCE AGAIN!!! Hell a transaction that should have beeen $13 to my credit is costing me $33! I'm going to stalk him until he pays me in CASH!

How the hell do you bounce a check for $13 TWICE. Needless to say I am pissed!

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

Have you ever in your life met a person that professes to be the biggest Christian going straight to Heaven in a Rolls Royce, only to find out that they are the worse cum sucking heathen hoes this side of the equator?

How do you handle a hypocrite like that? Do you call them out to be the liars that they are or do you pretend to believe that bullshtz they profess?

How do you react when you find out that someone you respected is motiviated by greed and uses every opportunity to pimp the world for their personal edification?

How do you respond to this person that claims they only want to help you but that help comes with a price?

Do you roll over and play dead? Do you allow your self to get screwed without vasoline?

Please tell me cause I really want to know.

I FOUND MY AZZ

Recently, I lost some weight. Yeah for me! I was feeling so good until my daughter who wears a size two told my mother that I had lost my azz! Mind you, my azz has always been my curse/blessing.

When I was growing up, I called it a curse cause all the kids teased me. They called me Bertha Butt, one of the Butt Sisters! I felt like all the songs of that era were directed at me and, as a result, I seldom danced at parties.

When I grew up, one man told me I needed a separate license for my azz cause I was towing a caboose! If I were skinny and people were saying that about my azz I think I would have been pleased but being fat, it just added to my shame.

But now that I can wear a belt without it puckering I’m feeling good. Hell, I can wear halter tops, (cause my bar size is smaller) but that azz worried me. In jeans it was okay but my daughter was right my azz was gone! I was left with only a dimple.

Low and behold I found it last night! My azz didn’t leave me, gravity sucked it down into my thighs! I inadvertently found it while sucking in my stomach last night in front of the mirror!

Oh the shame of it all. It was right there with my boobs that were trying to kiss my navel. Life is so unfair!